Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
