Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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