Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
