im about as happy as oj after his trial
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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