I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
