Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize