Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
