Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize