That's intense
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
