Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
