is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
