I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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