evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
