He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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