It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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