apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
