i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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