Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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