Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
