hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
