By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
