i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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