if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
