Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize