I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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