so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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