i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Bang-toberfest begins!!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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