Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
