Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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