He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
