shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
