Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
