Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
