U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
