So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
