So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
