You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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