It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
