for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
