i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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