i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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