Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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