Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
