i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
