Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
