i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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