I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
