idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
