Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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