the condom got lost in my hair
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize