WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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