yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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