well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
