too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he quoted the bible to break up with me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
