you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
