I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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