He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
