Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
