Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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