you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
