see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
