Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Found your dick twin last night
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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