This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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