i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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