That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
