i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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