At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
