The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
